Outsight and Inside Out
-A travelogue on an outer and the inner landscape
So I did like her already.
After all one’s passport is a very personal thing and one must be connected to it.
The moment she saw me she had a confusedly surprised look.
I instantly got into my older sisterly mood protecting her from her own self destructive energy, demonstrating that it was indeed very visible that she was younger than me. And in a way it was - that is once she became more animated and relaxed. In fact older age shows itself more when one is static like in photos.
I also told her sooner rather than later that I had a grown up daughter and a little grand son. We got on very well.I must add though that I do think my look has eventually caught up with my age in the more recent years.
Interestingly when I was age 20 people assumed I was 27 and when I was 27 they thought I was 19. Does that mean that in 7 years I grew one year younger? Perhaps on the emotional level I did.But it is a very visual world indeed.
It is the tyranny of the visual world when it comes to age and looks.But it is also very likely that Rhea thought I look younger for my age because she doesn’t know many people my age, or she knows some but doesn’t know their age. She just guesses people’s age wrongly.
Everyone knows how to recognise a teenager but not always how people in their 40’s, 50’s or 60’s look like.
They just compare everyone to their own parents or grandparents – that is if they know their age of course.Not in every culture people celebrate their birthdays.
In Iran a birthday party for an older person is uncommon and is likely to be seen as a lack of modesty or childish. In today’s Iran only some children’s and urban youth’s birthdays may be celebrated.
People talk about age only when arranging marriage, especially when procreation is the major content of the unity.
When I was young I never consciously thought of my parents’ age because no one talked about age except in regard to children.Indeed in Iran asking an adult directly about their age is a rude question, unless both sides are familiar with the Western or other cultures.
In a shop in Nanjing (China) a whole family of shopkeepers - sitting in the shop - surprised me by asking my age in a more or less body language conversation, but perhaps more because they had difficulty guessing my age as a non East Asian person (they assumed I was Indian) and were desperately curious to learn.My mother, who visited my sisters in Germany every few years, expressed her dismay during her UK visit in 1994 about the fact that age is so much talked about in the West. She couldn’t understand the purpose of it.
I used to demonstratively tell people my age because I was more reacting to the fact that when I was young older people and especially women never said what age they were – although they repeatedly said they had become old – but lately I have decided to wait in order to let people to know me first, as knowing someone’s age at an early stage leads inevitably to prejudice and reinforces ageism.
In UK being a grandparent –regardless of age – can be a hindrance to getting a job.
A few years ago in an article about job interview techniques for older people a magazine (Saga) wrote something like this: whatever you say during the interview make sure you do not mention your grandchildren!
Apart from parents and grandparents the other comparisons people have are movie stars. But these - due to ageism in the film industry - have to keep to lift their faces to the point of a constant surprised look – at an age when almost nothing surprises one- with the impossibility of a good wrinkly laugh accompanied by a lift in the guts through movements that would fuel the inside organs with more energy.
The problem for stars is however that as everyone knows their age, looking younger doesn’t really help to get the roles.
But who knows perhaps with special effects becoming the main theme in Hollywood, even the future actors may be soon themselves a kind of special effect human actors with no real body to age.
Visiting Lalla’s family at lunchtime I took a bottle of wine with me, as the British usually do. A custom I like, especially because it reinforces my upbringing and the influence of my parents’ obsession with not owing anything to anyone.
A behaviour that is good in making friends but difficult in partnership.
In fact in more recent years to learn to receive comfortably – or rather unlearn the learned difficulty to receive - has become an interesting challenge for me. But it is more easily said than done, perhaps because the act of giving is commonly easier than the moment of receiving. Not for the hungry of the world though, only for the reasonably fed.
Lalla and her father Niko had caught some fish outside the bay area, having been rowing in their little boat during the past few days.
Rhea had cooked nicely but she rather ate a meaty take away that Niko had bought for her especially.
As for the lovely filled vegetables she didn’t touch them saying she had been eating those kind of things all her life anyway.
Very kind people; they have decided that I should be happy here.
We were sitting in their large balcony overlooking the bay.
During the school time Rhea comes to Lendas only at the weekends. They occupy a small bed-sit for themselves, but the balcony with ceiling is like a dinning room.
There is a constant lovely breeze and the space looks very much in use.
After the meal their two other guests left and Rhea offered me a coffee.
She admitted modestly that she had done it a bit herself but was mostly very keen for me to read hers.Only Rhea and I had coffee and once we finished drinking it we reversed the saucer and put it on the top of the cup turning both - held tightly together – upside down. We continued our conversation while waiting for the coffees’ residues to settle and create the shapes for the reading.
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