The Beauty of Her Care

When the wind got caught
in my ear
at the end of that summer
when sticking my head out of the window
of that twenty four hour train
back from Tehran to Abadan
the cotton wool she ironed
then putting it on my screaming ear
lulling, lulling, lulling my pain and fear.
So now
That I’ve got an ache in my grieved ear
I see her ironing a hand size piece of cotton wool
standing with me next to a train
in an indistinct station
it’s my memory
that subtracts
and abstracts
to get c lose to me
at the here and now
a timescale captured
in a photographic moment
of an aesthetic controllability
and there
lies the beauty
of her care
and one complete scene
made of many incomplete recalls
there
in that one scene
lies the beauty of her care.
* * *
Then
it’s me
squatting
dizzy
with anticipation
I’ve been dosed
with medication
defecating
but it feels different
I look
I scream a glassy scream
and that
brings her to me
with panic so sheer
she pulls the limp glossy white snake
out of my anus
and every cell in her
vibrates protection
her face is the perfect match
to my scream now fading
then the ascaris
is flushed away
leaving her in disbelief
over my small body as host
and the size of its beast guest.
And she is overwhelmed with pity
and I feel safe
within her shadow
and that’s
the beauty of her care
and that’s
my mum Malak
who is no more
except in my memory of her.
Vida Kashizadeh
19th August 2001
Vida darling
sorry not to have been in touch. What are you doing on evening of 17 dec? We’re having a pre-Christmas do in the street. Let me know if you can come.
fran xx
Comment by fran — December 9, 2006 @ 5:52 pm